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3分钟学会一个雅思7分句(第80期)

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Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both views and give your opinion.


应对上面这个题目,学生在正文写了如下一句话:


For example, a student who study abroad should use a foreign language in a lot of aspects as he or she is involved in a specific environment. He or she need to use the foreign language to write papers, discuss professional questions with tutors or classmates, take part in social activities and so on.


我们首先会关注到以下这些问题:


* 举例冗长,足足花了约60个单词,结果就是,段落重心偏移至这个“小故事”上,而不是例子前的分论点,例子就失去了它作为论证证据的作用;

* 措辞口语化,选词随意;

* 表述模糊,包括a lot of aspects, a specific environment等。


教师修改后如下:


New language sets up children for their future academic study. Acquiring English, a global language, for example, enables them to continue tertiary education as it has become the major language of monographs and academic forum.


解析:


* 信息浓缩,丰富语义,让例子核心信息成为句子的主干:acquiring English enables them to continue tertiary education,这样语义丰富的一个长句子印证前面的观点;

* 信息浓缩,“写论文、和导师讨论专业问题、参加社会活动”等一系列流水账式的内容,改写为“English has become the major language of monograph and academic forum”;

* 精准选词,词汇的选取要避免口语化,词义要精准;

* set up for 为…作准备

* acquire习得

* enable 使能够

* tertiary education 大学教育

* monograph 专著

* academic forum 学术讲座


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