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3分钟学会一个雅思7分句(第78期)

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In some countries, an increasing number of parents choose to educate their children at home by themselves instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?


应对上面这个题目学生在正文写了如下一句话:


Children in school not only can learn textbook knowledge but also can learn some skills. When children study in school, they need to communicate with teachers and classmates inevitably.


教师修改后如下:


Home school is for independent study; a conventional school is more like a community, a community where children work with mentors and peers, and this cultivates their “real world” skills in communication and cooperation.  


★ 原句中被修改的几处重复:not only … but also … 结构后动词重复;children in school和when children study in school信息重复;need to和inevitably措辞重复。


★ 增添了一处信息,即分号之前的内容,短促地在句子里加了一处对比。分号前后都得是独立的句子结构,并构成并列或对比关系。


★ 第二处增添的信息是对skills的细化处理,这里首先使用了同位语成分a community搭配where定语从句,阐释一下常规学校的特点;其次,用and连词连接分句,this指代前一整个分句内容。


小总结:

写句子的时候,要注意不重复措辞,信息重复的情况下即便做了同义替换意义也不大,我们应该更重视不遗漏更有效的信息。


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